Until You
I got used to being the place
where no one stayed.
To being an \"almost,\"
a \"maybe,\"
to being the one someone wanted for a moment,
but never enough to actually choose.
And there is a strange emptiness in that:
not the emptiness of being alone,
but of feeling that, even when surrounded by people,
no one looks at you and thinks:
she’s the one.
For a long time,
I made a home in that emptiness.
I learned not to wait,
not to let hope take root,
to pretend it didn’t hurt
to watch everyone else getting chosen
while I silently wondered
what I was lacking.
Until you.
And it’s strange to say this,
because it’s been such a short time.
So little time to mean so much.
So little time for me to already recognize
the peace found in your presence,
the comfort of your voice,
and this overwhelming desire to stay close.
You arrived,
and something inside me stopped feeling alone.
Not because you filled my emptiness,
but because, for the first time,
someone seems to want to step inside it
without fearing the mess they might find there.
And what I feel is beautiful.
So beautiful it’s frightening.
It’s pure when I want to take care of you,
when I smile just remembering you exist,
when I think that maybe
just maybe I’ve finally found someone
who sees me the way I’ve always wanted to be seen.
But it’s also impure.
Because there is desire.
There is hunger.
There is that far-from-innocent urge
to close the distance between us,
to discover you without rushing
and, at the same time,
to want it all at once.
It is tenderness and a wildfire.
Calm and danger.
It is the longing to let our souls touch,
and our skin, too.
And perhaps that is what makes it all so beautiful:
you didn’t just awaken in me
the delicate love I once imagined feeling.
You awakened my intensity. The part of me that wants to love beautifully,
but also wants to love with desire,
with courage,
with the body,
with truth.
It hasn\'t been long, I know.
Perhaps it’s too soon to put a name to it.
But after spending so much time
feeling like someone who was never chosen,
it’s impossible not to see the world differently
when you look at me
and even if it’s just for now
I don’t feel like an option.
I feel chosen.
And perhaps you’ll never understand
what this means
to someone who spent so long
wondering what it would be like
to be the place where someone
wanted to stay, too.